sad movies
i recently saw a movie in HBO about families. normally, i would have shied away from that kind of movie but i thought, i'd risk it anyway. true enough, in the middle of the movie, the tears started flowing and i can't seem to turn my lacrimal ducts off. seeing one of the oldies in her deathbed in one scene started another bout and this time, memories of my dad kept coming back.
not that i don't want to remember my dad but remembering him in his hospital bed is just not my favorite memory of him. remembering seeing him literally fighting for every breath was too much. what hurt most was i wasn't able to take care of him while he was sick because he wanted me to continue reviewing. anyway, my family said, i would still have the chance when my exam was over coz then i could be with him all the time.
my dad tried very hard to wait for me. a week before my exam, we thought it was the end but he rallied. maybe he thought that if he went before my exams, i wouldn't be able to go through it. he fought really hard and it was like a roller coaster ride. somedays he's down but after his dialysis, he's up, although not walking, but was able to hold short conversations. the ride went on for 10 days. it was hard not being there for the most part, but i owed it to my dad to continue studying and at least try. i knew he wanted to see me become a real doctor.
on the last day of my exam, on the feast of the Our Lady of the Assumption, my dad left us. even in death, he had the right timing. i wasn't there though when he died and they didn't let me know until my exam was over. it was for the best, coz his lungs was too weak to go on. but sometimes i wish i was there with him, holding his hands and kissing him for the last time.
not that i don't want to remember my dad but remembering him in his hospital bed is just not my favorite memory of him. remembering seeing him literally fighting for every breath was too much. what hurt most was i wasn't able to take care of him while he was sick because he wanted me to continue reviewing. anyway, my family said, i would still have the chance when my exam was over coz then i could be with him all the time.
my dad tried very hard to wait for me. a week before my exam, we thought it was the end but he rallied. maybe he thought that if he went before my exams, i wouldn't be able to go through it. he fought really hard and it was like a roller coaster ride. somedays he's down but after his dialysis, he's up, although not walking, but was able to hold short conversations. the ride went on for 10 days. it was hard not being there for the most part, but i owed it to my dad to continue studying and at least try. i knew he wanted to see me become a real doctor.
on the last day of my exam, on the feast of the Our Lady of the Assumption, my dad left us. even in death, he had the right timing. i wasn't there though when he died and they didn't let me know until my exam was over. it was for the best, coz his lungs was too weak to go on. but sometimes i wish i was there with him, holding his hands and kissing him for the last time.
our last family picture during my parents' 39th wedding anniversary (050104), tagaytay city
posted by kero at
10:10 PM
2 Comments:
i guess getting out of the hospital the day that picture was taken was the wisest decision you ever made, no? i think everyone should have their family pictures every year. i got mine a few hours before dad had his bypass operation. it was a "just-in-case-he-doesn't-make-it" thing. I'm just glad he pulled through. it's gonna take a long time before the family's complete again.
yes, duke, buti na lang i was a floater then, buti na lang my family waited for me so i can go with them to tagaytay. everything just fell into its place that day making sure that we were all together for that last family picture.
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